How do you recover
From a lifetime of judgement
From a lifetime of pain
Of abandonment
From a lifetime of deleting myself
To earn belonging
My nervous system of a baby
Didn’t know any better
I deleted my ego
Before it was even formed
I traded my needs for false safety
In a world which
Never even intended to see me
Shedding and shedding, and shedding
Going deeper, and deeper, and deeper
With false guidance in the wrong places
Until I realised
My heroine’s journey is unique
The only guidance – my heart
The painful opening and cracking open
To myself
All the while I kept caring for others
Breath by breath
Step by step
Committed to building a life
Which includes my Soul
Judged for not committing enough
Judged for being too selfish to do that
My inner wisdom – too much arrogance
No, I’m not carrying that anymore
Now I know
A nervous system
Which has never seen any kindness
Cannot be treated like that
The most painful lesson
Being kind to myself
Under layers of abandonment
Bullying, deletion
The biggest pain turned out to be
Abandoning myself
What does love smell like?
Asked the jungle pulsating
Vibrating love in every blossom
With each song of a bird
Open your heart to yourself
Earth Child
And smell that Love from your
Open Heart
No need to earn it
No need to delete yourself
No need to abandon your nervous system
No need to look around for approval
The Dark Night of the Soul
Is both universal and individual
And I choose myself
I allow myself my path
The journey of love and pain
Of suffocation and freedom
Of gentleness, listening, allowing
Of self-loathing, shame and guilt
Of breath and contemplation
Of avoidance and integration
Pulsating and vibrating
In my heart
With the heart of the Earth Mother
With the heart of the Cosmic Mother
I’m a human Soul
I belong to myself
Beyond love and surrender
Beyond joy and beauty
Beyond pain and loneliness
Beyond burning a flame
I have come
To myself
The first time smelling the
Flowers of my blossoming heart
The first steps of trusting myself
The wisdom grounding in the body
I’m coming home
To Love

Author: Laura